True generosity comes from the heart, nowhere else. A person may be motivated to give out of guilt or obligation or for recognition, but that’s not really giving as it was intended. And I do believe we were all meant to serve others in some way. This is true whether we are giving our resources, our time, or our talents. I think its part of our purpose. Maybe it’s not all we were meant for, but it’s definitely a big part of it. Service looks different for everyone though. Some people coach little league or bake cookies for their neighbors and others make a whole career out of it by becoming a doctor or nurse or firefighter. Whatever it looks like on the outside, it has to come from the inside.
And then of course, you actually have to do something. I read a book for school a few years ago called Inside Out Families. The author follows families that felt compelled to do good in one way or another. It highlighted the enormous impact that these families had once they put their good intentions into action. This is often the hardest part. A lot of us have plans to do good, but where does one begin? There’s so much need out there and we’re all so busy, and it’s kind of scary to think of giving up a part of our comfortable lives. Listen, I’m definitely guilty of thinking like that. I have a certain way I like to spend my days and sometimes the thought of breaking that routine bothers me. I worked retail for many years and used to think that once I stopped working on weekends, I would try to spend some Saturdays volunteering for Habitat for Humanity. So now I work banker’s hours and somehow there’s always some other excuse. I’ll often look up Habitat’s schedule of events hoping to find a Saturday that I can commit to. This always ends after a few minutes with me resigning myself to writing them a check instead. A very small check.
I’m hoping it won’t always be this way. I’m still trying to figure out my niche here. Like I said, that’s one of the reasons for this blog. I’m trying to figure out how I can do the most good and hopefully get other people excited about giving too. On one hand, maybe I’m taking the easy way out because I’m doing something I like to do anyway. It might be hard for me to commit to Habitat, but I’m going to be running on a Saturday morning anyway so I might as well donate to a cause while I’m doing it. On the other hand, this might be my best chance, because when you truly love something you’re going to do it even if it’s uncomfortable. I thought of this as I was running in the rain today. I was having a great run so when it started to pour, I just kept going and let myself get soaked. Never let a little inconvenience or discomfort keep you from experiencing something truly amazing.
Even some of the families in Inside Out Families, started out very hesitant about the service they set out to do. But in the end they realized they were much better off for doing it. Sometimes you just have to develop a heart for something. Maybe they had an easier time because they were in it together and could hold each other accountable. That’s sort of what I’m trying to do here- encourage others to join in my giving so that we’re in it together. I’m a big proponent of teamwork and collaboration. We are exponentially more powerful when we work together. I often think, who wouldn’t want to get in on this? But while my enthusiasm might be infectious to some, I also understand that it might be irritating to others. And that’s okay, that won’t make me change.
I’m starting to develop a nice history of trying to motivate others to give- trying and failing. A few years ago I had this idea of starting a charity race of my own. For an extremely short time, I thought it might actually work. I’m not sure what sparked the idea but I clearly remember discussing my plans with my friends over dinner. We were at Rey Azteca and of course a margarita was involved. It seemed like the more I sipped that drink, the better my ideas got. The goal was to raise money for the food bank. It was going to be in December, so it was going to be Christmas-themed. I was going to give out ornaments instead of medals, there would be hot cocoa and homemade cookies at the finish, and even an appearance by Santa. When I got home, I sent out a Facebook message to the friends I was sure would be interested. No one was interested. I cringe to think of it now. I really can’t even blame it on the tequila.
Maybe one day something like that will happen, maybe I just have to change my tactics. There was a time when my encouragement actually worked… sort of. When I was a manager at Claire’s, I tasked my employees with collecting non-perishable food items for the food bank. I can’t quite remember, but I think I gave the incentive of a Saturday off to the one who collected the most goods. I thought that if this went well, I would ask other managers to do the same and we could make it a district- wide competition. That never happened, but looking back, it wasn’t a total fail. When I first brought it up to one of my employees she flippantly replied, “I’m not going to give to the poor, I am poor.” I started to laugh until I realized she was completely serious. I just shook my head and turned back to my paperwork on the back counter. I looked down at the budget sheet and just blankly stared at the numbers on the page. I could feel my cheeks getting flush with frustration. This was a girl who made enough to afford her own apartment, utilities, groceries, and lunch at Panera everyday. So she takes the bus and maybe she didn’t have much left after her bills were paid, but I doubt she had the slightest idea of what poor is really like. I was fuming. I wanted to say something, but then I started to feel bad for her. How sad it must be, to live life with such little gratitude. A day or two after that, I was working with another employee when her boyfriend came in to pick her up. He walked in with this smile on his scruffy face and his hands stuffed in the pockets of his over-sized hoodie. Within seconds he pulled a can from each pocket. I was thrilled. “Peas, and… green beans!” “That’s so great!” I still light up thinking about it today. It may seem like a small thing- just two cans- but it was more about the gesture and the willingness to help out. Those two cans gave me hope that maybe I can influence others to join in the cause one day, whatever that cause may be.
Like I said, some things you just have to have a heart for. And I can’t expect everyone- or anyone for that matter- to have the same heart as I have. More to that point, everyone is meant to serve in different ways. For some it could mean always being the supportive and dependable friend or being the family member whose home is always open if someone needs a place to stay. I have deep respect for people like that, sometimes they have a bigger impact than they realize. At the end of the day, it’s all about putting others first. That’s what the families in Inside Out Families set out to do. Their motivation came from within but the impact they made was far reaching. The interesting thing about that though, is that the biggest impact they made was on themselves. People that devote their lives to others aren’t necessarily better than the rest of us, but they probably are the happiest.
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